23rd of July

Well finally Fang has arrived...Is Fang my new pet? Is Fang my new child? or is Fang my new lover?  No Fang is my fabulous new car that arrived from Mazda finally (some 11 weeks after I bought it).  Its black, shiny and fabulous.

After 3 years of a 3door hatchback starlet - I soooooo pleased to finally have a new new car.  Still the angst that comes with it...Upon driving home from the car yard yesterday the kids come racing up hugging and kissing the car...and putting their mungy faces and handprints all over it *screams*  I just wanted 24 hours of pristine cleanliness....*sniff*.

Today was day of timewasters and meetings.  The OHSNazi is trying to now ban FUN as an OHS issue.  *Nah*  I bet she has a policy in her house regarding toliet paper usage.  Imagine a guest who uses 5 sheets instead of 4 for a wee!  OMG taken out and shot big time.

YumchaFriday and there was mango pudding to be had!  There was heaps of freaks in Maroubra AND way tooo many people wearing uggh boots outside! - now there is a crime against humanity...perhaps Michael Moore could do a doco?  Ugghboots 9/11...

 

Omg..what are the editors of Dolly trying to do??

from the dolly website
"Ugh UpWith winter looming it might be the time for you to suss out what type of ugh boots to invest in — there are heaps of groovy pairs around, check out the cute pink pair on page 104 of this month's DOLLY magazine.
 
Just because it's summer doesn't mean you should ditch your ugh boots — those furry feet warmers are all the rage in Hollywood right now, so why don't you take part in this trend by wearing a mid-calf length pair with a denim mini? It looks hot!"

 
As if the teenage girls of Australia don't have enough to worry about with blue balls, scrag fights, serious dilemmas (to swallow or spit)  and surfboards with wings....WRONG FASHION ADVICE - Dolly - SHAME - on you.

HappyC*ntDay to one and alllllll

Ahhhh  tis late, and I be fuelled by the natural confectionary companies Jelly Dinosaur lolly..."No don't chop the dinosaur Daddy!"  Have made a halfarsed attempt to prepared a study timetable for semester 2, but knowing myself I am bound to stress out, cramp in the last weeks and still scrape by with a credit/distinction.

Imagine what I could do if I didn't have a fulltime job + 3 kids as well...

Oh Today's amusing quotes "I didn't know I had breasts until I went horse riding"  amusing enough if said by a woman - but god bless him the fabulous MrA in my team made this rather innocent - if not fuckfunny - statement today...I think I broke a bloodvessel laughing.

Sorry to be short and sweet, but it be sleepbobotime, my sarcasm engine needs a recharge...

tweed, 4711 or was that lejardin??

A Monday - always a stomach full to deal with.  The alarm faires kept pushing my alarm clock forward until I got out of bed some 35 mins late at 7am.  A rush start to work, but none the less an uneventful morn.
 
Polkadot was just a psycho -  all happiness and light.,...was she oblivious to the feelings of others, or was she merely terrified of what she may have unleashed?  Hmm either way when the 2 Velicorapters (D and D ) get hold of her in the next standoff (oops marketing meeting)-  I certainly won't stand up for her.  In fact I will kind of enjoy watching them rip apart her flesh with their claws....
 
The other downer about today was that I was back travelling in the medical landscape.  Clearly not one of my favourite pastimes.  How hypocondriacs to it -  is beyond me.  So in I go skip to see Professor P my Haematologist from some 12 years ago.  Not only does he remember me - and my ever so rare disorder, but he even pulls out this notebook from 1992.  You see - he doesn't trust hospital IT systems, so he keeps additional patient records in tiny little note books. 
 
Anyways its was an absolute trip down Freddykruger lane - as the waiting room is also the cancer centre waiting room.  Being scared of hospitals - is prolly cause I fear death itself.  But there is no other reminder to our longevity than sitting in a dodgy hospital waiting room full of the old or super sick.  What nearly set me right off though was the complete acidtrip I got to experience for free as the chemicals in the Nanna perfumes (of those in the waiting rooms) combined to produce a rather psychodellic experience!  I think I managed to identify a number of different smells including Tweed, 4711, Le Jardin and I think one of the boyNannas had "Ole Spice" on too! 
 
Just like a trip to the testers counter at Kingstons Pharmacy growingup in Maryboring! 
 
He is not 100% sure why my plateletes have gone off again - so guess what - more blood tests and another one of those ever so fun - bone marrow biopsies. 
 
 
Remember that weird apple corer thing in your mum's kitchen draw - well its kinda like that only smaller and they drill it into your spine.  You are given a local, not to feel the pain - but its the noises it makes inside you that just cause the eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwww feeling. 
 
I am sure tomorrow is bound to be more exciting because its just that one day closer to the weekend.  SPEAKING of days....OMG...150sleeps to go!
 
 
 
 

The Invisible Consumer.....

Oh why I am always the person who gets shocking service in retail!  This morn for example - I ducked out early to get bamboo blinds (remember the bamboo blind conspiracy of 2003!) for the loungeroom and went to my local Spotlight store.
 
The great thing was they had everything I needed in stock - bad news was the other thing they had abundance of - was poor service.  Here I was struggling with 6 x 180cm and 2 x 90cm blinds and I found an 'assistant' (I use the term sooooo loosely!) and asked if she could help me with a trolley.  She ever so polietely (NOT) told me I could basically go walk for about 50 metres to the adjoining building shopping centre and source one there....*Bad mood Creation*
 
So I dumped them on a counter and got a trolley - pushing the trolley back to  the store, pissed me off even further...so when a second retarded assistant rang up my order with out a docket in the docket printer - my exit from the store was delayed even further (Way to piss me right off!).  I commented "look don't mean to be rude - but how long is this going to take"  to which Dumbarse behind the counter responds with "I dunno"  I could really feel a oh4fucks/sake coming on...and it wouldn't be pretty!  DA (dumbarse) finally got a supervisor (SDA = supervisor dumbarse) to come over and waste even more time....'oh we have to charge your card again - I dont think the sale went through'.  Great I then have to waste MY TIME, MY MONEY on a phone call to phone banking to be told - YES the transaction went thru on my card.  SO after wasting 23 minutes of my life AND making me go find a fuckingtrolley me and my blinds finally exited the store.
 
I escaped that to chuff to Brunch for the fabulous French Cinamon Toast + Bacon + coffee...to relieve my angst with my TopestFriend (TF).  TF & I then went into Broadway to go see a movie. TF and I had split up to do divide and conquer shopping.  BUT b4 the movie I was treated to possibly the worlds worst kind of poor customer service...
 
The 'you're not hip and cool so we will just ignore you in our store" kinda service.  Noice.  I went into some dodgy surf/skatey type clothing store - you know with VonDutch, PaulFrank and surf labels everywhere.  Not once in the entire 2 loops of the small store did ANY of the 5 assistants bother to greet me, or make eye contact - keeping in mind there were only 2 other people in the store and one of them - was in the changeroom.  Oh well little did they know I was cashed up  and in the mood to spend - but I wasn't going to add to any of their commission plans. 
 
 
TF and I then went and saw FAR9/11 - Michael Moores new film.  Magnificent and pure Clarity...and boy did it make me feel ashamed to be part of the 1st world.  I may not have voted 4 bush or howard BUT i did live in a society that allowed it all to happen.
 
 

16th of July, the day of the Polkadot*Nah!*

Angst ridden day putting up the with stupidity and ego of others.  In hindsight, it was really me who allowed them to piss me off.  Polkadot has so many issues its not funny, and to top it off - Polkadot has this big ego ?
 
Go figure, spends most of its life in a low selfesteem spiral - to then leap about trying to assert its ego.    Polkadots home life aint too rosy either....married to a short little weird and hairy person - they have spent $$$ on feritility only to be told there is nothing wrong with them, and perhaps instead of having sexy 2-3 times per year - yup that was YEAR - it might be any idea to up the frequency.
 
I think Polkadots grief with me - is all about jealousy - and the me me me Narcisstic Personality Disorder she suffers from!
 
Oh a high note, I think I ate my body weight in pepperonipizza !
 
 

Thursday 15th of July - god is real...its payday.....

Ahhh joy, aaah splendor....Today is Payday!! For those of you out there on a weekly or fortnightly pay cycle - you have no idea of the trauma us monthly pay cycle people go thru...coupled with the other monthly cycle I have to endure - it can sometimes be a little bit of a hypersensitive week!

The shoes at the local Westfields and I had a planned day at lunchtime today. However a marketing emergency intervened...an urgent marketing strategy was due to save the boss's butt, so my shoes now sit forlornly in a darkened, quiet,afterhours westfield....suffering from abandonment issues...*sniff*....

So after a lovely 11 hours at work, with only a quick latte escape...I now sit exhausted in my PJs...shoeless.

Speaking of shoes, whats with UGH Boots? I mean really - puleeeeeeeeeeeeze! REPEAT AFTER ME!!! - Ugh boots are not an outdoor shoe...
OH MY GOD ->
1) they are not designed to go past the fence line...to the clothesline, and a possible letterbox dash..but no ughboots out!
2) they do not look good with a short skirt,
3) they do not look good with jeans tucked in
4) they just don't look good EVER!

Dude...do yourself a favour...don't follow all the trends some bunch of dopey magazine bimbos tell you to....

Learn more about fashion victims...

Wednesday...ahhh its Happy C*#$ Day!

Oh thank god for Wednesdays - that one day of the week - revered in parts of the world as 'hump day' but for a selected few who worship the wonder of Wednesdays - it's affectionately known as HAPPY C*NT DAY!!

Why Happy C Day you ask? - Well - we all know its very unladylike to use the C word - some shudder at its mention - others faint - and some pull the most amazing ducksbum faces! So being modern women of the world, and empowered enough to use the FORBIDDEN word - we decided to ration ourselves to one day a week - and what better day of the week than Wednesdays.

You see it just wouldn't be right to use it on a Monday or a Tuesday but by a Wednesday - its inevitable that you would have encountered a number of worthy specimens deserving the title. By Thursday and Friday - you start to calm down from a hectic work week - and you know the weekend is just a few hours away. It so wouldn't be appropriate to use it on Saturday or Sunday - because no matter how horrid your weekend - its still the WEEKEND.

'C*nt' is perhaps the single most offensive and censored swearword in the English language. Our taboo surrounding the word ensures that it is rarely discussed, though, when it is, the superlatives come thick and fast. Accordingly, Andrew Goldman calls it "the mother of all nasty words" and "the most controversial word of all" (1999). For Tom Aldridge, it is "unarguably the most obscene [and] most forbidden word in English", "the ultimate obscenity", and "the nastiest four-letter word" (2001). John Doran describes it as "The most offensive word in the world", "the worst word that anyone has ever been able to think of", and "[the] most terrible of terrible words" (2002).

In its second edition, the Oxford English Dictionary (1989), the foremost authority on English etymology, clarifies the word's commonest contexts as the two-fold "female external genital organs" and "term of vulgar abuse". At the heart of this incongruity is our culture's negative attitude towards femininity. 'C*NT' is a primary example of the multitude of tabooed words and phrases relating to female sexuality, and of the misogyny inherent in sexual discourse. [Matthew Hunt]

These Last 2 paragraphs are from www.Matthewhunt.com


And I urge you to do more research in the shame, mystery and finally pride of the cunt.

December 2003. 

Welcome 13/7

Hello and welcome to the first of my many rants, bitches, piss 'n moans. Today - was another joyous day at work. Slightly hypersensitive and suffering from a touch of PMS I resisted the urge to plant a hb pencil into the head of one of stupid yet noisy sales team. This particular person - for the purpose of this entry will go by the name of MN. MN is a young ambition corporate woman who has the most unfortunate Australian accent - for those familiar - think Kath n Kim..."look at moi puleeeeeeeease Keeeeeeimmy". Anyways as MN's wedding date moves closer, the frequency of her annoying and tedious personal calls increase.

"oh hoi, moiy nahme is MN, Om ringin about my weddin, moiy feeonceee and Oi are getting married in December, oh his name is Elllleveeees"
[readers please note - whilst an effort has been made to hide MN's identity - her fiance is in fact called Elvis - noice]

Anyways her annoying nasally Aussie strine - is killing me and today I swapped between the - stab her in the eye with pencil - or perhaps use the same aforementioned pencil to perform some surgery to relieve her hideous annoid issues - fantasty.

Todays intellectual challenge is in the form of a definition. The word of the moment is CLOACA, please feel free to use it in a sentence. This word enabled me - albeit for a moment - to be slightly more brilliant than the fabulously technical Nerdboy in ITS.

To impress your friends ->